We get the same the same coaching questions that come up every single week which I feel apply to SO many people. I want to address them here in the podcast.
In this week’s episode of Happy Productive I talk about the idea “it’s so easy for everyone else but not for me”. Ever been there or had that thought? I know I have.
So let’s discuss how to address this and how to combat these negative and disempowering thoughts.
WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER
How being honest with ourselves is the first step to combat this
Why we always have the choice of what we are going to believe
Why these “but not me” thoughts can feel like a 100-pound weight on our backs
How to free ourselves of these debilitating and unproductive thoughts
FEATURED ON THE SHOW
Hello, hello, welcome to Happy Productive episode number 24. I’m Jennifer Dawn, a business coach and the founder of Best Planner Ever. The Happy Productive podcast is your go-to resource for learning how to bring awareness into your productivity, your goals and your time management practices so you can set yourself up each day for as much love happiness and joy as you can possibly handle. Now, doesn’t that sound wonderful?
Okay, today we’re going to be talking about, oh, it’s easy for everyone else, but not for me. And maybe you have experienced this in your life where it’s like, hey, why is everybody else so good at productivity and time management, but not me? Why can everyone else meet their goals on time? But not me? Why can everyone else you know be skinnier, happier, healthier, richer? Whatever it is. Why is it so easy for all of them? But not for me. And if you’ve experienced this before, then you can certainly relate.
The reason why I wanted to make this a podcast is actually because last week and one of our coaching calls this came up, where one of my clients had filled out their pre-session check in this is a forum we all fill out before a call so that we can all really get the most of our time together. And in the form, what my client had written was “I’m feeling so much shame because this is so easy for everyone else, but not for me.”
Now, of course, we address this in the coaching call, but I thought, one, how brilliant of her to be so open and aware of what she was feeling and also to be so vulnerable about sharing how she was really feeling and not covering it up. Because truly that is the first step is to be honest with ourselves and vulnerable about well, this is really how I’m feeling. And once we can kind of get that out there, well, now we have something to work with, because we aren’t just burying that shame and that guilt and those, those beliefs. We’re not just burying those and you know, and then pressing forward, instead, what we’re doing is we’re bringing them to light, we’re getting some light on them. And now we have the opportunity to actually heal that so that we can move on and be in a better place.
But really, this is just something that our brains will tell us. And it just comes down to the fact that we have our minds and our minds will sometimes just say a whole lot of crap. I don’t know another way to really explain it except that these thoughts will just simply pop into our minds and we don’t really have control over them at all. I know you’ve all experienced this, we’ll just we’re just a really crappy thought will pop into your head and your you might even make yourself feel bad because you’re like, well, I’m a horrible person because I’m even thinking this and that’s not true at all.
These thoughts will just pop into our heads, YOU get to decide whether or not you’re going to listen to the thought, are you going to attach to the thought? Or are you going to ignore the thought? Are you going to let the thought pass away? Because truly the thought is, it’s your choice as to what you want to do with that thought. You can guilt yourself for having the thought or you can, you can, on the flip side, just say, well, that’s silly, and let it go, right? Just that that’s it, we can choose to let these things go.
The problem is that whatever thought pops up into our head, we will attach to these thoughts and we will believe them. But it’s really within our power to make the choice of what we’re going to believe and what we’re not going to believe. So what can happen is that as we are having these terrible thoughts, and then we attach to them, and then we believe them, they just almost become like weights that are attached to us and maybe around our neck and you have we’ve got all these like horrible things that we’re thinking about ourselves and then we show up in the world and we show up in our business or in our work or with our family or with our friends and we’ve got all of these like horrible thoughts that we’re thinking.
And I’ve had clients say, you know, I feel like a fraud because I show up and I’m thinking all these terrible things and then I’m, you know, smiling to everybody around me and pretending like everything is fine. But that that’s no way to live and we don’t have to live we can absolutely make a different choice. I was headed out to the barn this weekend to ride my horse and I was really doing some thinking about this topic. And the way that I see it, I visualize a lot of things and the way that I see it is almost like my horse who I love and adore completely.
And if I go out to the horse, get him out of his pen, and I throw 100 pound sack on his back. He’ll be fine. He can handle that. I weigh more than 100 pounds so he can handle that. If I throw another 100 pounds back on his back, he’ll probably be fine with that too. But once I start throwing the 3rd hundred pound sack and the 4th and the 5th and the 6th, it’s going to weigh him down and it’s going to weigh him down to the point where he’s going to have trouble moving out, he’ll have trouble he won’t be able to run, he won’t be able to trot he won’t be able to walk.
Eventually, he won’t be able to move and then at some point, he would probably collapse under the weight. It could even break his back. And so when we tell ourselves terrible things, it’s kind of like putting 100 pound sack on our back right? Hey, you’re not good enough. That’s 100 pounds sack. Hey, this is easy for everybody else but it’s not for you. Let me throw some shame on there right that’s another 100 pounds sack. Everybody else has this figured out but you don’t look how stupid you are. Look how slow you are. Look how whatever, another 100 pound sack.
Think about this for a second how many times as you go through the day do you put these hundred pound sacks on your back. And then before long you have just sack after sack after sack, you know on your back. And then it’s like, oh, hey, with all this weight on you. Now I want you to show up, I want you to show up in your business and show up in your life and show up for your family. And I want you to perform at ridiculously high levels and never make a mistake and always be perfect, blah, blah, blah.
That’s like saying to my horse, hey, I just loaded you with all these hundred pound sacks. And now I’m gonna whip you and make you run up a hill. And if you can’t do it, then I’m gonna whip you harder. And that’s really what we’re doing to ourselves every day, putting these heavy things on us and then forcing ourselves to try and run up hill and perform at these optimum levels. But it just isn’t possible.
If I wanted to free my horse from this, I would just simply cut the ropes that were holding those sacks right and as soon as I cut those ropes, those sacks are going to fall to the ground. And my horse will be free. And we can race up to the top of a hill. And you know, you can feel that strength, you can feel that power, you get to the top of the hill. And it’s like, wow, that was fun. You know, sure, you might be out of breath. But that’s okay. You get to the top of the hill, and you’re like, gosh, that was awesome. Let’s do it again.
And we are no different. We have the choice to cut these ropes. We can cut the rope simply by stop beating ourselves up, stop listening to this nonsense that our minds come up with. And when the brain says, hey, it’s easy for everyone else, but not for you. Take a moment and really think about that. I should have googled how many human beings there are in the world, but there’s probably quite a few. Okay, billions of billions of human beings. And do you really think of that many people who are living or who have lived that you’re really the only person who’s never struggled with it? I mean, come on. Really. Only you. Billions of people don’t have a problem with this, but only you do. That is just nonsense talking, right?
That is the ego making this problem or whatever you’re faced with literally be the entire world and it is crap. It’s crap! And you get to choose whether or not you’re going to believe it. And if you choose not to believe it, that’s like cutting those ropes and freeing yourself, because now you’re not going to carry that heavy weight. And you can run up that hill, and it’s going to feel really, really amazing and fun. And hey, let’s do this again.
So if you want to cut those ropes, just simply let it go. I know that sounds easy, and it truly is, but the execution of it can be quite difficult. We hold on to these things and we want to, for whatever reason, we want to believe them, even though they’re not true, but I think deep in your heart, you really know it’s not true.
And so the way that you start to cut these ropes is just that you just start to cut the ropes. You just Start to be aware, hey, this is kind of crappy thing that my brain came up with. And, hey, I’m going to not attach to this. And hey, I’m gonna let this go. And hey, I’m going to choose to believe something different. And that’s really what it is of cutting these ropes and freeing yourself. And I truly, truly hope that each and every one of you start to do this. And I love that visualization because every time I’m tempted to believe some nonsense that my brain comes up with, I think, would you want to put a bunch of hundred pound sacks on your horses back like that? No, I love him. I would never do that to him.
Well, I love myself too. And I wouldn’t want to do that to myself, either. And so if I’m tempted to throw one of those heavy sacks on my back, nope, nope, nope, gonna cut that rope. I’m gonna let that sack go. And I’m going to choose to believe something different, something better, something higher, something that is attached to love and joy and happiness, and compassion and that is my choice.
And when you think about your thoughts, you know, things will pop in there without any control. However, there are a lot of thoughts that we can control and that we can put in there and that’s where our choice comes. That’s where we take back our power is by choosing to believe the right thoughts, the right beliefs, those right things that get us to where we want to be in life.
Okay, you guys, that’s my message for today. If you’re tempted to throw those sacks on your back, I just want to encourage you don’t just cut that rope, whatever that looks like for you just take a step in that right direction and free yourself so that you can open yourself up to really just to run today.
Alright, if you need help with this, we are always here for you. You can check us out at jenniferdawncoaching.com, just hop on the website. From there you can always Schedule A 30 minute private consult with us. We have lots of different coaching packages available. We are always here for you always to help you. Alright, that’s it you guys get out there. And have a Happy Productive day!